So, as of two days ago, I am an official AMERICAN-CERTIFIED PROFESSIONAL DRIVER. According to the 20-minute driving PowerPoint presentation shown to me, anyway. I am American-certified, yes. Professional? No, anything but, despite the repetition of this phrase several times in the presentation.
I would imagine that a professional driver is either a) a crazed middle-aged taxi driver, the sort that lurks in Asian back alleyways, just waiting to cut you off, or b) a white-gloved chauffeur, probably with a moustache and outdated hat.
Instead of transforming magically into one of these people upon receipt of license, I am instead just me, driving on the left side of the road. Futzing with my iPod cord. Singing along to something and not particularly caring if anyone hears or sees me doing so.
Fun fact: my car is a Japan-only kind of model. Not in a cool, quirky car kind of way, like if I drove a Daihatsu Naked or something similarly OH JAPAN, but rather in a "oh hey, co-worker, I am quitting and moving back home, so here, you can have my car". It is a Honda Domani, "domani" meaning "tomorrow" in Italian, as in, "boy, I sure hope this car lasts until tomorrow". The exterior scratches/rust/someone wrote on it with a paint marker, those are alright. It's the brakes that worry me. Not worry to the point that I'm actually going to do anything about it, of course, but just to the point that I advise everyone else to keep out of the driver's seat. See, my car's political alignment is 'progressive'. As in, it does not particularly want to stop moving. I can brake at a stoplight no problem. But, depending on the car's mood, it might decide that it wants to start inching forward, despite the brakes. And then the brake pedal drops to the floor, forcing you to pull the emergency brake. Short stoppers beware! You are totally boned if you drive this car! Grandma-style drivers like me: fear not, your defensive driving style is rewarded with not dying!
In 3 months, the car is due for a Japanese inspection, where they list everything that's wrong with your vehicle and force you to fix it before you can take it out on the road again. This can cost anywhere from a few hundred to upwards of a thousand dollars. If the cost to fix the Domani is in excess of $1,000. . . well, I wonder if they'll let me operate the car crusher, because that would be bad-ass!
In short, I haven't killed myself or anyone else in my car yet, and it's been like 2 whole days. Maybe that means I really am a professional?
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